Ugly Before

Ugliness is superior to beauty in a way, in that it lasts.

Transformation

it's funny how image(s) can transform something. i never really fully appreciated The Arcade Fire's "Wake Up" till after seeing the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are.

i often wonder about transformations and coincidences. it's as if the summation of these things or the collision of all these things become the essence of life or what it means to live.

I Don't Mind

2:48AM;

I wonder who else is awake. I wonder what sort of people are awake at this hour. What do we have in common I wonder. It's such a random time to be awake, just like every other hour in the day, every other minute, every other second. I wonder why they're awake, what they're thinking of, what they're doing.

Sometimes when I wander away from reality and explore the daydream world where my thoughts take me, I realize just how ridiculous I am... and then I stop for a moment and think just how almost not ridiculous anything is at all.

500 days of june gloom

Pain. Animosity. Something, anything ugly; it makes you feel like you've learned. Learned about life.

People try arrange things for you, force things on you, to reconnect broken bonds, piece together shattered glass... but really, it's just another infliction of cruelty through self-righteousness and ignorance... a neglect of my feelings.

Summer Doldrums

Summer has finally hit that inevitable point where the excitement of what's new and what's possibly ahead has long perished. I want to go back to school, I want new classes, new friends, and that ever naive freshman girl is back once again filled with false hopes of... romance.

Classes start again on Wednesday for me. Maybe I'll meet a friend? An enemy? A frenemy?

I want a lover I don't have to love.

Wednesday afternoons mean enjoying a hammerhead at Perk's and looking out into oblivion, only to be distracted by attractive passerbys. 

growing up

growing up scars you

it means having to accept things with no regret and learn not to feel

you become this giant tumor of everything that is bad and eventually harden into an unbreakable substance... because well, there's nothing left to break anyway. 

you find out that the things you care about will not necessarily make life better or easier or make life worthwhile, they simply just define life itself. 

growing up is just a montage of everything that's happened. it replays everything you've done and what everyone's done to you... and in the end it's all just painful. then you learn to accept that it's painful and you're not so bothered anymore. after all, what do others matter? there's only you. you die alone. i die alone. we all do. so what's the use? 

we grow up and learn to appreciate each other, but only because the relationships you make and all the pleasant memories are just fillers, meant to be comforting. but not permanently. everything is fickle.

yeah, i know. it's depressing. i'm the purest form of pessimism.